The Sacred No: What Healing Knows About Boundaries

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Segment 2: Returning to Wholeness

Episode 6: The Sacred No

My boundaries will shape the entire course of my life. Yours will too.— Dr. Kidi

Reflection: When Yes Becomes Too Much

I was determined to finish everything on my to-do list. I woke up early, wrote it all down, and felt that familiar sense of control as I checked off the first few tasks. It looked like a good start.

Then the noise began.

A text.

An email.

A quick “Can you…?” from people I cared about.

Before I realized it, I was standing in my kitchen with my laptop open, half eating, half responding, and not fully present anywhere.

None of it was urgent.

None of it was essential.

Yet it was loud.

And I kept saying yes when I meant no.

I am trained and wired to show up, to be helpful, not to disappoint. So saying yes came quickly, almost without thought. I managed it all, yet I had very little left for what truly mattered.

Don't get me wrong. I love saying yes to service, to experiences, to possibility, to celebration, and to life itself. But I have learned something important. I cannot fully say yes to life unless I also say no to what pulls me away from what matters. Unless I draw boundaries.

Imagine you are already holding an orange in your right hand and a book in your left. Then someone reaches in and says, “Can you hold my orange too?”

Your hands are already full. You cannot carry more without letting something go. And too often, what slips is not just the extra orange.

It is your time and energy.

Your health.

Your steady presence in your own life.

Pause for a moment and ask yourself:

How full are my hands right now?

Is there room for anything more?

What do I need to put down to make room for what aligns with my values and purpose?

Beyond People: The Boundaries We Often Miss

It is not only people who add to our checklist. Even now, in this quiet moment as I write, my thoughts keep trying to pull me off the page.

My mind jumps to whom I may have forgotten to invite to my party and whether I should send an apology message.

I pause, say no, and return to the page.

Then my thoughts shift to planning my upcoming trip to Ethiopia.

I pause again, say no, and return to the page.

Next come the forms I need to complete, the house that needs cleaning, the gifts I need to buy for family in Ethiopia.

I pause, and this time, I write them down in a notebook so they have a place to land and leave me alone.

Then the mind does what it knows how to do best: slip in a heavier thought. Will everyone be okay when I travel? What if my children need me? How quickly could I get to them?

The mind is built to protect us. It scans for problems, remembers the past, predicts what might happen next. It pulls us into imagined futures that may never arrive. That is why we often suffer more in imagination than in reality.

I know the only thing I can shape right now is this moment and the words I am writing, yet my thoughts still wander.

My mother had a phrase for that. If I asked her why she seemed far away, she would say, “Ke fok e’fok eyehedku,” which in Amharic means her thoughts are going from one building to another, none of which she owns.

The body acts differently. It lives in the present and feels the tension and restlessness when the mind starts roaming from "one building to another."

That tension is how it speaks.

That restlessness is how it tells you to pause.

No, the body does not ask us to stop our thoughts, because we cannot.

But it does ask us to set boundaries by saying no to runaway thoughts so we can say yes to staying in the present moment.

But there are more than just thoughts that steal your time and energy.

Imagine you finally sit down to rest. As you take a few breaths, your phone lights up. The moment you say yes to that notification, you are saying no to rest. One notification becomes ten minutes of scrolling. Ten becomes forty. The calm you were reaching for never arrives.

The same pattern shows up with anything that overstimulates the body. We say, “I need coffee,” when the body asks for rest. We say, “I need a drink,” when the body asks for a pause.

Time and energy are limited in this short life, yet they are enough when they are lived with boundaries. When we keep handing our minutes and energy away, especially by saying yes when we mean no, there is little left for the life we say matters most and little left for our own healing.

And that leads to the next question: How do you know what truly matters?

From Self-Awareness to Wholeness

Self-awareness is noticing.

Wholeness is responding.

Let’s say while I am writing, someone asks for a favor that is not urgent.

A memory from the past tugs at my attention.

A worry about the future pulls me forward.

A notification lights up and the urge to scroll appears.

Self-awareness is noticing the pause in that moment.

The tightness in my shoulders.

The uneasy feeling.

The yes that does not feel true.

Wholeness happens when I respond to what I notice in real time.

Not later.

Not after one more task.

Not after everyone else is taken care of.

So wholeness is choosing rest when I am tired.

Setting a boundary when something feels off.

Telling the truth when silence costs more.

Saying no so there is room for a true yes.

You can be self-aware and still ignore what the body asks. So the question becomes: how do you turn what you notice into how you live?

The Tinfash Alignment Compass: Values and Purpose

The Tinfash Alignment Compass is a simple three-step process you can use when your hands are full and your mind feels crowded. It helps you pause before an automatic yes and choose what is true and aligned instead.

Step one: What are my values?

Step two: What is my purpose based on those values?

Step three: Does this yes align with both my values and purpose?

You only need three to five values that truly matter to you, rooted in goodness and aligned with your humanity. I used to think I needed a long list, so I wrote down many good words. But when it was time to choose, everything still felt important, and I got pulled in every direction.

When I narrowed it down to a few core values, decisions got easier. When something asked for my yes, I could tell if it fit or if it was just noise.

Values answer one question: What matters most to me right now?

Purpose grows out of those values. It is not a job title or a five-year plan. It is the direction your life moves when your choices align with what matters most. It is the thread that connects your days to meaning.

Purpose answers one question: What am I moving toward?

Without values and purpose, everything feels urgent.

Every request feels equal.

Every decision becomes draining.

You end the day exhausted, not because you did too little, but because you carried too much that was not yours.

The Tinfash Alignment Compass slows the moment just enough for the truth to surface. But answering it honestly takes practice. That practice is discipline.

Discipline: How the Tinfash Alignment Compass Becomes Lived Practice

Knowing your values and purpose is the start. Discipline is what turns that insight into a lived habit.

Discipline is not static. It is built through small, intentional choices repeated over time. I tell my children, pennies make millions. Discipline works the same way. It is not willpower. It is the steady practice of a few seconds of pause, again and again, until your body trusts it as a habit.

Here is a lived practice:

When you feel pressure to say yes, pause.

Take one slow breath.

Ask yourself, Does this fit what matters most right now?

If it does not, decline without overexplaining and return to what matters. Repeat this often, and it becomes natural. That is discipline.

Over time, you stop choosing from fear, people-pleasing, or what you think you should be able to handle. You begin choosing based on what protects your health, your time, and your energy.

This is how values become lived.

This is how purpose becomes steady.

This is how self-awareness becomes wholeness.

Keeping your yes honest is a form of self-respect. It affirms that your time, your energy, your healing, and your wholeness are worth protecting.

The Sacred No: A Return, Not a Rejection

As I look back, even while writing about The Sacred No, my phone still claimed some of my time. I answered calls, responded to texts, and accommodated requests that could have waited.

I have wrestled with holding more than I can carry for much of my life. In the process, I have let what I value slip, break, or take longer to mend.

What Healing Knows has asked me to notice that pattern with honesty. And what I know now is this. My boundaries will shape the entire course of my life. Yours will too.

So pause for a moment.

Let your breath slow.

Place a hand where your body feels most present.

Then ask yourself:

Am I carrying more than is mine?

What has my body been asking me to put down?

What small sacred no might open space for healing today?

Returning to wholeness is a daily practice. In the next Tinfash healing space, we will explore the Sacred No together.

Tinfash: Dr. Kidi’s Healing Space

A space to breathe. A space to listen. A space to begin again.

Journal Invitation
Writing by hand helps you slow down and listen more closely. It connects your thoughts to your body and invites honesty without the need to edit. This kind of presence supports deep healing. Your words do not need to be perfect. They only need to be yours. Let your words arrive just as they are.

Journaling is a powerful way to build this awareness. Writing helps you notice patterns: where your time goes, what drains you, and what nourishes you. It slows the day down enough for truth to surface.

Think about a recent moment when you said yes but felt tension in your body. What were you holding in that moment, physically or emotionally? If you had paused and offered a small Sacred No, what might you have protected or made room for instead?

Healing Mantra
Mantras are healing because they steady the nervous system. They interrupt spiraling thoughts and help your body feel safe enough to soften.

Choose a quiet moment. Sit, stand, or lie down. Take one slow breath in and a gentle breath out.

Repeat the mantra softly, out loud or in your mind. Let it move with your breath. No force. Just presence.

Use it as often as you need. It is not a command. It is a remembering.

“My no protects my yes.”

Call to Connection

As a doctor and a fellow human, so much of what I know about healing has come from meaningful exchanges with people like you. Our shared stories and quiet beginnings teach me again and again that there is wisdom in simply starting.

I would love to hear your thoughts about beginning again.

I am here for you.

I am also here to grow alongside you.

If you have suggestions, ideas, or requests, share them in the comments. You can also jot down your reflections and send me a screenshot.

If you feel moved, review, rate, and share this with a friend who may be ready to reconnect with their own healing.

Visit drkidi.com for more reflections from What Healing Knows.

Follow @drkidi.healing to join a community learning to return to themselves, one gentle moment at a time.

To read my short stories go to Substack @drkidi.

With that, we have begun our healing connection.

Until next time,

Embrace the journey. Keep listening. Healing knows the way.

Love and more love, 

Dr. Kidi

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